Thank you to everyone who commented, shared stories and advice when I wrote here last week about the shift I was feeling in our family. There has been a few times in the last week where I have asked myself, “Am I a good Mum?” and “Am I doing the right thing”…… finally I came up with the answer that there is in fact no right or wrong here, just the now and my instinct. All that put together with some quality time with my girl, has changed my thinking this week!
This week has continued with more ups and downs, but I think we’ve got this. The ‘shifted’ Princess showed up again on Monday morning at Kinder drop off, this time clinging to my leg and crying, begging me to stay because “she loves me and didn’t want me to leave”. Cue heartbroken Mumma but also strong teacher Mumma. I stayed composed, reassured her, reminded her how much she loves kinder and how boring me doing housework is, and then I walked away. I worried all day about my not so baby-girl, hoping that this change in her behavior and personality was in fact just a passing phase. Of course, I picked her up and she had been just fine all day!
That night, Princess was due to attend a trial cheerleading class, something she has been begging to do for near on a year now. An hour before we were due to leave, whilst having dinner, the weather changed, the smell of rain wafted through the open doors and windows into our house, and as did loud rumblings in the sky. Cue large thunderstorm and daughter who became emotional and terrified. She refused to go to cheerleading, I wasn’t accepting it though, I didn’t want her to miss out on something she had been wanting to try and she sobbed “I don’t want to disappoint you Mum”, Rip. My. Heart. Out. Child! Hubby arrived home to a near on broken me and an emotional daughter. He stepped in, took charge, told her she didn’t have to go rather she should jump in her nightie and head off to bed and relax. She did (covering her ears from the storm and trying to calm her cries). I sat in the kitchen and took deep breaths. The storm in our house and outside eventually subsided. She eventually decided to go to cheerleading and just ‘watch’. Of course she ended up joining in and loving every minute. In the car on the way home she said “I’m glad I went, I want to start cheerleading, it’s my thing”.
Kinder drop off on Tuesday was incident free, praise the lord. She’s been waking at night and sneaking into our room to tell me that she loves me and gives me a hug and a kiss before leaving. I’ve talked to her a lot about love this week, how our love for her could never change, even if we had ten more kids (which is soooo not on the cards). I’ve reassured her that if I can’t pick her up from Kinder, these are the people who can, and I would ring her at Kinder and tell her anyway. Even when baby arrives, most things will stay the same, we’ll still go to swimming on Thursday nights and Dancing on Monday nights. Tuesday night family dinners will still happen, as will our nightly snuggles and books. Our families have been awesome too, spending time with her and letting her know that she can call them anytime.
So this week, I may not be the best Mum getting around, but I am following my heart, my instincts and I know deep down it’s working……I am present, I am there, I am loving and comforting Princess the best way I know.
How has your week been?