I eat half a row of chocolate after lunch, then finish that row and then have another. Then I feel bad about it.
I was going to go for a walk today, but Ragamuffin slept longer than he normal does, and well, then it looked like it might rain, and plus, I had to hang out the washing and sweep the floors, the house is a mess! Then I feel guilt for not going.
Hubby gets up on Sunday morning after Ragamuffin’s bottle and declares he is going to the bakery (a 6km round trip) I’ve been with him before, it’s fun, we talk lots and we exercise and feel good for the entire day….but I chose to stay in bed, because I’m a Mum, I’ve worked hard all week and I’m just tired. For the rest of the day I feel like crap, I know I should’ve gone.
I open a can of my favorite alcoholic beverage, loaded with sugar on the weekend and relax with Hubby. Instead I know I should have had a vodka, lime and soda.
I look in the mirror, and what I see isn’t bad, when I look at a photo of me though, I’m not sure who that person possibly is. She is not how I feel and she isn’t how I see myself, but I guess that is the reality. Then I regret the chocolate, the not walking, and choosing the sugar loaded drink and I chastise myself.
Sunday night I decided that I am sick of fighting with myself and that it is only ME who change ME. I’ve set myself some goals, just for this week, I’ll take it one week at a time, but the one that governs and underpins them all is that there will be NO more excuses. I have scheduled my days, and exercise WILL be a priority. I started yesterday, and I so easily could’ve chucked the exercise out the window, Melbourne displayed gusty, freezing cold wind and sideways rain…….instead I rugged up Ragamuffin, set off and hoped for the best. I copped it on the way home, I felt like I was walking backwards at one point but I was determined. On Sunday I also made myself up two batches of hearty soup, lunch for the week done and ready to be heated up. There is NO chocolate whatsoever in my house, if you know me, you know that if it is there I have no self control, none whatsoever, so instead, it just wont be here to tempt me.
There will be treats, don’t get me wrong, what is life without some chocolate cake and a drink on the weekends to unwind. There may be days where it is impossible to get out of the house and move, but instead I’ll do a workout DVD or skip under the pergola. There will be NO more excuses, and no more fighting with myself.
I already feel better for making small changes, and I hope I can stick with it. Hopefully I will see some results too but if not, it’s all about how I feel inside.
So, do you argue with yourself? Have you set yourself some goals this week?