Today I feel inclined, like so many other bloggers out there, to reflect back on my year as it slowly slips away with the tick of the clock.
Dear 2013, By far, for me, this has been the year that has helped me grow the most, as a person, as a Mum, a partner and a friend.
With the birth of Ragamuffin, you taught me to follow my instincts and not second guess myself. And because of that, I have been confident in my decisions and have savored every minute of my mothering journey this time around. I have been able to sit back and watch the most beautiful relationship between siblings form and grow day by day. I have watched my beautiful little girl turn into a young lady right before my very eyes. I’m proud of myself as a mother, although there is always things to work on isn’t there?
This year taught me how much I hate my body and how much it has impacted on other elements in my life….I haven’t been present in photographs, I rarely shop for myself, I rarely look at my reflection in the mirror, and I’m sure it’s changed things in my relationship with Hubby too. And because of all this, I know that I have to change my way of thinking, the person who I’ve become is not the person I want to be.
I’ve learnt that going to the gym for me isn’t about loosing weight, it’s about the journey to loving myself and being able to play with my children with unrelenting energy. It’s also been about giving myself time out of household and mothering duties. And in order to make it all happen, I had to ask for help…..because sometimes if you don’t ask, you don’t get, it’s that simple!
This year has taught me that I can easily be caught up in my own and others negativity. Focusing on the negative elements is our lives is much easier to do, and that’s why we can often get caught up in it. It’s a much much harder task to focus in on the positives, I not going to lie. And that’s not to say that some days when the shit has hit the fan, I don’t have a whinge, because I do, I totally do! But at the end of the day, that’s not what I want my day to amount to, and it sure as hell is not what I want to focus on….and sometimes that’s hard too, and I have to hone in on the smallest of details, I have food in my fridge, we have blankets to keep us warm, thank god for the air con!! And for all the hard work, I feel much happier in general and in turn, hope that I’ve been a better mum, partner, friend and person.
And so I thank you 2013, this is the year where I feel I have discovered the most about myself and who I want to be. You’ve taken me on a journey of learning that I didn’t know I needed, I just went along for the ride and am now thankful for it.
Bring on 2014