For me, the main thing about being an introvert is how tiring it can be. My god, the internal dialogue that goes on in my head is enough to make me feel exhausted at the end of each day. I am constantly thinking about things, and overthinking them. I rehearse conversations I want to have with people so many times before I even act upon actually having the conversation in real life. Sometimes, I even chicken out, ok, more like often!
But I am starting to learn that I do in fact need to speak up. I can’t keep thinking about things, overthinking things, running conversations and dialogue in my head. I just can’t! It’s so bloody exhausting. And nothing will come from me not speaking up or speaking my mind will it?
I’ve learnt that sometimes good things comes from it. I’ve learnt that sometimes conversations might not go the way I had planned and people might not react how I had hoped either. I’ve learnt that I always feel better afterwards, even if the outcome wasn’t a positive one. I’ve learnt that each time I do speak my mind, I feel stronger for it too.
I’m not saying it is easy for me to speak up, because it’s not, it’s really not. My heart thumps so hard in my chest I worry that someone will hear it, and I can actually feel the redness in my face creeping up from my neck to my forehead. And yes, I still often rehearse in my head what I want to say and sometimes I even practise on a friend first. And I laugh on the inside and out how people think I am in fact quite confident, if only they could see the storm clouds rolling around in my head, if only.
But you know what, I am starting to believe that it is most definitely beneficial to step out of my own head, out of my introverted skin and just say what needs to be said, no matter what. Now quick, get me a glass of coping cordial, I’m glad I let that all out!