Question everything

There are moments, or there have been for me, that I have questioned how good of a Mum I am actually being for my kidlets. And I’m not talking the flippant I’m doing a crap job but the I really need to look at the way I’m doing things.

A few weeks back, my normally confident and bubbly girl had a major meltdown. I’m talking, heaving tears and begging me to stay with her. You see I was staying home to sit down and write school reports for a night while Hubby took the kids down to our van (something which isn’t unusual at all mind you). Princess declared she wanted me to come, I can’t I told her, then it began, I want to stay with yooooouuuu! Ensue unexpected and highly unusual meltdown.

I was torn when Hubby eventually gave in and instead of taking her to the beach took her to stay with her Auntie’s for the night. Part of me was angry that a seven year old was dictating what our family weekends would look like, and then part teacher and part Mum me was telling myself  ‘kids behave in certain ways for a reason you know!’. 

Many things ran through my head that night when I was supposed to be focused on reports, and I’m not trying to be dramatic but it really affected me seeing her like that, so upset, so needy and so out of character. I was lucky enough to speak to a friend that night who gave me different perspective, and then my sister who made me ponder “Is it really so bad that she all she wanted was her Mum??”, different, perspective, see?! And the thing that my sister said hit the nail on the head really, because deep down I was flattered that she wanted me so badly, because one day that might not be the case hey?


When I finally picked her up, we sat on the couch for a long time, cuddling and chatting and sorting out the deeper issues. Turns out there’s a lot of jealousy there, because while she’s at school on Tuesday’s and Friday’s I’m at home with Ragamuffin. And it’s not that she thinks that we are doing anything cool or fun, it’s just that he’s getting more of me than she is. And she’s right. Because when he first came on the scene this was at the forefront of my thoughts, and I made sure we did get that one on one time together. Something that as he has gotten older, kind of slipped away.

So we’ve agreed to pencil in a date once a month, just her and I. It might not be anything amazing, it might be just a trip to the park together or down to the shops to wander around, but the location doesn’t matter, it just matters that her and I will be together.

The night away (doing reports) gave me lots of time to think about how I’ve been performing as a Mum lately. If I was to self-assess at the moment, I think I’d give myself a six point five out of ten (because we all know that there really is no such thing as a ten in mothering right!?). And I’m not happy with a six point five, but you know what, it’s give me a chance to set back and set some goals for myself. When I receive my end of year report, I hope I more around an eight out of ten!

Onwards and upwards right? Have you evaluated your parenting lately and if so what would you give yourself out of ten?



7 thoughts on “Question everything

  1. Kit@Life through the haze says:

    Ahhhh Bel that mother’s guilt really eats at the heartstrings doesn’t it. Goodness my parenting over the years would be really lucky to average out at a 5/10, which really doesn’t sit well with the perfectionist in me. I had a 4.0 GPA through Uni so it is a constant battle that I am not that perfect mother I envisaged I would be. You know that amazing one on all the tv shows that looks perfectly put together all the time, is an adoring wife all the time to her husband (and likewise he is never ever annoying!), knows how, what and when to do the right things to make life just perfect for my kids. Boy I was in for one almighty shock!
    What I think I am teaching my kids (who are older than yours) is that sometimes life is really really tough but it is how we pick ourselves up and move forward that counts.
    The best piece of advice I have ever been given is that you can have it all just not all at the same time. You are doing a great job and remember that sometimes kids are really self centred and will do whatever it takes to get their way (not that they realise what they are doing they just know what they want.)
    Sending you lots of love

  2. my2morrows says:

    I know exactly what your feeling! My miss 7 said to me the other day that I love her brother more than her. Ouch! I need to do exactly what you’ve done and make sure we have that one on one time. Thanks for that important reminder. Xx

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