June people, June! That was the last time I hit publish on a blog post here. Time sure does fly when you’re living life. And I’m not here to apologise, far from it actually. Because truth be told, I’m not really sure whether I belong here anymore, I’m not sure whether I still fit into the blogging world. Today this beautiful weather has given me time to sit outside and to reflect.
I have been writing for years, around seven years or so. Back when blogging wasn’t such a big deal in Australia. I was the classic ‘mummy blogger’, I wrote about my woes of a being a Mum trying to find the instruction book for the beautiful little girl that I was now in charge of nurturing and raising, in the midst of her being constantly over tired.
Seven years later, I’m a Mum to two and the world of motherhood as I knew it back then has changed dramatically. I have changed. Australia is FULL of bloggers, oh so many bloggers, all screaming to be heard and I guess I got sicking of trying to yell. My sister became a blogger too, she jumped on board a couple of years ago and is going great guns, so proud of her. Some days I get pangs of wanting to be just like her, the what ifs and if onlys pop into my head, if only I blogged more consistently, if only I worked harder to build my audience, if only I did that course, I could be as successful as her…. but then I’m left to wonder how is success measured anyway?. And at the end of it all I’m just not sure of what I have to offer, whether I really still fit in, whether I belong here, whether I even have anything worth saying (or reading for that matter).
Some days the words swirl in my head but because of the filters I have put in place; the people I don’t want to hurt or to misconstrue what I post, I don’t write it, I file it away in my brain wondering how much easier it would be if I were anonymous. As my kids get older I feel less comfortable with writing about my them so personally, but they are still part of Life at No2. I guess I need to feel my way around and find new boundaries within that. But above all of that, the words still swirl, some days they swirl into storm clouds, with the rain of words building until the cloud releases them.
Basically this is a rambling post, a way for me to get my thoughts out. Once I hit publish, hopefully the answers will come. Maybe they won’t? Maybe this will be the last post, or maybe this will be the one that spark more to follow. Right now though, sitting in my loungroom whilst Ragamuffin sleeps, I just want to write, and maybe, just maybe it’s just as simple as that???
Thanks for listening x