Maybe I can blame it on the Super Moon? Maybe I could blame it on illness or tiredness? Maybe I could blame it on end-of-term-itis? But this week, I just feel whelmed. As though I’m in rough seas treading water. I’m getting tired, sometimes my head dips under the water but with gusto it pops back up again and gulps for air, fighting to keep the oxygen in my lungs. I can see land in the distance, getting closer, but then bobbing away or disappearing behind the waves, but yes, there it is, clear as day.
A friend posted a quote the other day of Instgram, love me a good quote! “We rise by lifting other” Robert Ingersoll, and I love that quote and I try to live by it. But if I’m to be honest, when I first saw it, I thought to myself, I feel like I’ve done a shit load of lifting this year and my arms are fucking tired, I’m fucking tired! Terrible I know, but, all the feels at the moment people, all the feels.
This week I’ve been battling a nasty cold, plus hay fever; both of which mixed together have reeked havoc on my asthma and breathing. This has meant restless nights with of course tiredness to follow. I’ve been plodding along at work, but having to talk to students for a living when you are already out of breath can be a hard gig.
And we all know that illness and lack of sleep can effect ones mental state and general emotional wellbeing. And even though it may not be true, I feel like I’ve got things coming from all directions at me it. My kidlets swing from one side of the pendulum to the other, playing so beautifully outside tonight while I’m getting washing off the line, to him biting her and her pushing him…..I mean really?? Two minutes ago you were playing Mum’s and Dad’s and were the best of friends, and now it’s come to tears, tantrums and me yelling like a flippin banshee!! I shudder to think what the neighbours say about me! Ragamuffin when I dropped him off today, waited until I was nearly driving away, came running out the door to my car sobbing hysterically, wanting me to stay…..never, has he over done this. He’s tired I’m sure, he’s sensing the end of the year and holidays are coming. But talk about pulling on the heart strings. And Princess has been giving all the attitude, I know lots of other Mum’s are feeling me there!
Then I filled out my diary for the rest of the year, and started feeling whelmed. On one hand, there are so many events that I’m looking forward to, it’s an exciting time of year, but when you see it all written down in black and white, it can be quite overwhelming. I want to be mindful, I need to be mindful each week of where ‘family time’, ‘me time’ and ‘him and I time’ fits into this, so that the pressure feels less. And maybe, just maybe, I might have to say no to some things?
So, after a particularly shitty day, I’m sitting here to write it out. I’m hoping that once it is down, I can move on, change my perspective and lift my mood. Because, I’m not usually this person, but clearly, there’s been a gradual build up of all the things and today has probably been the long awaited straw that broke the camels back.
Hopefully the rest of you out there in cyberland are doing ok, and hell, if you’re not, know you’re not alone. Onwards and upwards my friends, onwards and upwards. Thanks for listening to my little rant, I’m already feeling better and know that I will wake to a better brighter day.